Key of D
Verse 1
A, Em, G, D
All alone in this universe
I don't know I guess it could be worse
It doesn't matter what you do
No one's watching over you
Refrain ?
[Bm,A] * 3, F#7
Verse 2
All alone in this universe
Why be last when you could be first
When you're dead this will all be gone
And you'll be wondering why I sang this song
Refrain
Slow section [half-speed]
A,Em7,GMaj7,D2
All alone
Soon you'll say so long
I will say goodbye to you
All alone
...
...
Verse 3
All together in this universe
Maybe now we can break the curse
It's not too late, to say we care
It might be great, if we could share, yeah
Refrain
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Green enough
Is my lawn green enough ?
Is my hair thick enough ?
Is my bike fast enough ?
Is my bank account fat enough ?
Is my career advancing enough ?
And then I saw your scattered young bodies adrift in an ocean of death, and the answer was, ashamedly, yes.
Is my hair thick enough ?
Is my bike fast enough ?
Is my bank account fat enough ?
Is my career advancing enough ?
And then I saw your scattered young bodies adrift in an ocean of death, and the answer was, ashamedly, yes.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Oct 29, 1981
My heart beats on, everfast
And time is lost to me
For I have fallen in her trap
As I would wish it be
My senses rise, flame and fire
For why, I've never heard.
Eyes that promise deep desire
Wanting to be burned.
But soon enough, the heat is quenched
The fever's gone for sure.
And even though my heart be wrenched,
For me there is no cure.
And time is lost to me
For I have fallen in her trap
As I would wish it be
My senses rise, flame and fire
For why, I've never heard.
Eyes that promise deep desire
Wanting to be burned.
But soon enough, the heat is quenched
The fever's gone for sure.
And even though my heart be wrenched,
For me there is no cure.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Dec 12, 1981
Young enough,
Not to know.
Newly fallen,
Virgin snow.
[Upon the hills
seek wanderers,
Looking for today
Far below,
The comfort-dwellers
Lost in yesterday]
For the promise to bear fruit,
The path be brightly lit.
But who can tell tomorrow now
Before the storm has hit.
Somewhere lies my companion
Perhaps to never rise.
For all my life I search for thee
To see those bright-lit eyes.
Not to know.
Newly fallen,
Virgin snow.
[Upon the hills
seek wanderers,
Looking for today
Far below,
The comfort-dwellers
Lost in yesterday]
For the promise to bear fruit,
The path be brightly lit.
But who can tell tomorrow now
Before the storm has hit.
Somewhere lies my companion
Perhaps to never rise.
For all my life I search for thee
To see those bright-lit eyes.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
The Element of Surprise [March 17, 1980]
I saw the ceiling start to cave in as the Salesman touched the Flower. I thought it would wither at his touch, but instead its colorful surface remained calm and beautiful, a sharp contrast with the ever-present Rock, who of course could not move. It seemed they sensed my discomfort, and more cracks formed. My head reeled from the previous excitement, a metallic grating sound the only result from my continuous attempts at speech. A steady and annoying low frequency buzz permeated my brain.
With some relief I noticed that the Salesman appeared to be failing, or at least not winning. He needed to increase his staff, but I was beyond reach, and though a few hovered uncertainly at the edge, they too wished not to risk themselves on the journey, which would be quite perilous. I realized this was my reason for terror. The path passed dangerously close to steep cliffs and precarious rock perched on the upper slope. There was danger in picking one's way through the fragments, and surely there were more subtle dangers waiting to pounce upon my person.
I took all this in in a moment, and withdrew. The 6 feet separating me from freedom may as well have been 6000 miles, for at that moment it was not possible for me to transcend the Wall. I wished for ... but no, I could never rely on that again, that Deceiving Light. I closed my eyes, but the picture did not change, for seeing and feeling were synonymous. I withdrew...
I could not get back! I looked through his eyes, for they were no longer mine. All appeared well, nothing had changed and I was relieved. I was exceedingly comfortable ; warm and secure. I had never known such peace, but my only regret was that my will seemed to no longer carry influence. I was trapped in the most delightful of prisons.
I winced as the table moved sharply up towards the eyes, and heard a muffled thud. I was aware of darkness, and a sense that my prison no longer had material bounds. I seemed to have aquired a new sense, one that relied on no physical parameters. A picture began to form, and everything was clear again. There seemed to be no vantage point to the image I perceived, or if there was one, it was infinite.
His body lay slumped over the table, his hands in front of the head in a strange position. She, the Innocent, touched him, and called his name, but of course he could not respond. Several people from nearby crowded around the Scene, offering their opinions on the nature of the incident. There was laughter in the eyes of several, but genuine concern in the eyes of the Innocent. The Rock, as usual, was impassive. The Salesman voiced his theory on the cause as resulting from the previous excitement, which seemed to satisfy most of them. Hmm! The Salesman, under false pretenses, had achieved a rather significant victory.
Then, without warning, His hands shifted, and the head was slowly raised. He looked blankly at the verbal garbage they spewed at him. I was being called. He could only look at them, turning from one face to the other. He gazed first at the Innocent, but seemed to be annoyed at the ceaseless workings of her mouth. He then turned to the Salesman, who expressed some concern amid cackles of laughter, but this too seemed to trouble Him. He looked at the Rock, who did not return the gaze, but only shrugged helplessly and looked at the Flower. The Flower was the next object of vision for Him. The Flower returned the look, but it was empty, containing vague traces of pity mixed with genuine amusement.
I was being demanded for now, but I was in no hurry to return. I understood the situation perfectly however, and knew what should be done. Smile, laugh! As soon as this happened, a sense of relief permeated the scene, and all appeared well as they all laughed and joked about the Incident. There was nothing I could do now but return, for much was being risked. I turned off and settled back inside, feeling a pang of regret as I remembered the limitations of pure physical visual perception. The gears locked together perfectly. I lifted my hand slowly and put it down. Good, nothing had changed.
I turned my full attention to the situation at hand, offering plausible explanations and reducing the tension. All was well. No! The Flower had whithered slightly, and triumph gleamed from the Salesman's eyes. This angered me, what joy that emotion! The Rock remained unchanged, naturally. The Innocent was now even a stronger ally, and I felt exhiliration at future prospects. I complained of fatigue, and excused myself. I would begin the long process of tearing down the Wall, and then we would see.
With some relief I noticed that the Salesman appeared to be failing, or at least not winning. He needed to increase his staff, but I was beyond reach, and though a few hovered uncertainly at the edge, they too wished not to risk themselves on the journey, which would be quite perilous. I realized this was my reason for terror. The path passed dangerously close to steep cliffs and precarious rock perched on the upper slope. There was danger in picking one's way through the fragments, and surely there were more subtle dangers waiting to pounce upon my person.
I took all this in in a moment, and withdrew. The 6 feet separating me from freedom may as well have been 6000 miles, for at that moment it was not possible for me to transcend the Wall. I wished for ... but no, I could never rely on that again, that Deceiving Light. I closed my eyes, but the picture did not change, for seeing and feeling were synonymous. I withdrew...
I could not get back! I looked through his eyes, for they were no longer mine. All appeared well, nothing had changed and I was relieved. I was exceedingly comfortable ; warm and secure. I had never known such peace, but my only regret was that my will seemed to no longer carry influence. I was trapped in the most delightful of prisons.
I winced as the table moved sharply up towards the eyes, and heard a muffled thud. I was aware of darkness, and a sense that my prison no longer had material bounds. I seemed to have aquired a new sense, one that relied on no physical parameters. A picture began to form, and everything was clear again. There seemed to be no vantage point to the image I perceived, or if there was one, it was infinite.
His body lay slumped over the table, his hands in front of the head in a strange position. She, the Innocent, touched him, and called his name, but of course he could not respond. Several people from nearby crowded around the Scene, offering their opinions on the nature of the incident. There was laughter in the eyes of several, but genuine concern in the eyes of the Innocent. The Rock, as usual, was impassive. The Salesman voiced his theory on the cause as resulting from the previous excitement, which seemed to satisfy most of them. Hmm! The Salesman, under false pretenses, had achieved a rather significant victory.
Then, without warning, His hands shifted, and the head was slowly raised. He looked blankly at the verbal garbage they spewed at him. I was being called. He could only look at them, turning from one face to the other. He gazed first at the Innocent, but seemed to be annoyed at the ceaseless workings of her mouth. He then turned to the Salesman, who expressed some concern amid cackles of laughter, but this too seemed to trouble Him. He looked at the Rock, who did not return the gaze, but only shrugged helplessly and looked at the Flower. The Flower was the next object of vision for Him. The Flower returned the look, but it was empty, containing vague traces of pity mixed with genuine amusement.
I was being demanded for now, but I was in no hurry to return. I understood the situation perfectly however, and knew what should be done. Smile, laugh! As soon as this happened, a sense of relief permeated the scene, and all appeared well as they all laughed and joked about the Incident. There was nothing I could do now but return, for much was being risked. I turned off and settled back inside, feeling a pang of regret as I remembered the limitations of pure physical visual perception. The gears locked together perfectly. I lifted my hand slowly and put it down. Good, nothing had changed.
I turned my full attention to the situation at hand, offering plausible explanations and reducing the tension. All was well. No! The Flower had whithered slightly, and triumph gleamed from the Salesman's eyes. This angered me, what joy that emotion! The Rock remained unchanged, naturally. The Innocent was now even a stronger ally, and I felt exhiliration at future prospects. I complained of fatigue, and excused myself. I would begin the long process of tearing down the Wall, and then we would see.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Compliments to my Lover [letter received Apr 19th, in some year near the turn of the century]
Compelled to say... you are the best lover I ever had. I do not say that lightly but honestly and without a doubt. (Brainwashed maybe, how did you do that?)
I had no choice but to put these words onto paper. I just gotta tell you, I enjoy you emensely and look forwards to every new day I spend with you. Those moments most precious to me are in your sweetest touches, your intimate caresses, and your beautiful smile. I never knew a man could be so beautiful on the outside and the inside. You are so sweet to me and I love it.
I appreciate all that you do for me. Most importantly, I just seem... I mean I can't get over how incredibly good I feel when making love to you. Amazing. I never knew that I could give myself to someone so fully, and have orgasms so freely ... feels so great ... I barely have to work at it ... it's spontaneous ... I just feel so good and then I come ... no warning ... just going for it ... not feeling ashamed about it ... just loving it.
I'm so deliriously happy for this. I'm very glad that as time goes by we've become more and more sexually compatible. I'm so glad I stuck it out. There were times in the beginning when I wondered if it was worth it. Time has proven that sticking it out was more than worth it. I'm so glad for that.
When I say good night to you, you almost always turn your head and pucker up to kiss me, I love that. And as I think of these things now I gush to have you enter me. That is the ultimate ... intense ... intimacy. I love it. It's what was missing from my life. I'm so happy I got it. And that it's with you.
Have a Happy day !
[name withheld until statute of limitations expires in 2010]
I had no choice but to put these words onto paper. I just gotta tell you, I enjoy you emensely and look forwards to every new day I spend with you. Those moments most precious to me are in your sweetest touches, your intimate caresses, and your beautiful smile. I never knew a man could be so beautiful on the outside and the inside. You are so sweet to me and I love it.
I appreciate all that you do for me. Most importantly, I just seem... I mean I can't get over how incredibly good I feel when making love to you. Amazing. I never knew that I could give myself to someone so fully, and have orgasms so freely ... feels so great ... I barely have to work at it ... it's spontaneous ... I just feel so good and then I come ... no warning ... just going for it ... not feeling ashamed about it ... just loving it.
I'm so deliriously happy for this. I'm very glad that as time goes by we've become more and more sexually compatible. I'm so glad I stuck it out. There were times in the beginning when I wondered if it was worth it. Time has proven that sticking it out was more than worth it. I'm so glad for that.
When I say good night to you, you almost always turn your head and pucker up to kiss me, I love that. And as I think of these things now I gush to have you enter me. That is the ultimate ... intense ... intimacy. I love it. It's what was missing from my life. I'm so happy I got it. And that it's with you.
Have a Happy day !
[name withheld until statute of limitations expires in 2010]
Monday, 26th of April, 1976
Yesterday, I just thought about Saturday
I'm still thinking about M.G. and I know I'm still a lot in love with her. I want to talk to her, but there's problems: I think, and others think, that Helen really likes me. I want her, but if I tell her I like M.G.......
Sweeney is a bastard again. He owes me 60 cents but he's always stalling.
My first plant is really big. I almost killed the other two, but I think they'll live.
I'm still thinking about M.G. and I know I'm still a lot in love with her. I want to talk to her, but there's problems: I think, and others think, that Helen really likes me. I want her, but if I tell her I like M.G.......
Sweeney is a bastard again. He owes me 60 cents but he's always stalling.
My first plant is really big. I almost killed the other two, but I think they'll live.
1993?
You camel-kissing puss-laden piece of donkey dung, I disdain thee with foul criticism, stretch thy tongue with pliers and desecrate thee with watery feces.
Jun 30, 1999
Semi-conscious suburban white girl strikes a pose for me
Girl becomes woman like a spring flower
Me bee, must pollinate
Drink beer, attempt to mate,
with the fresh flower.
We can not be friends ?
Did I deny you her chance ?
With this,
we understand.
Only later can apologies come
When the heat is gone,
No flower to inhale...
But now, the furnace of love possessiveness burns
beyond our control
Around this,
does all revolve
Pretty flower,
won't you be mine ?
Girl becomes woman like a spring flower
Me bee, must pollinate
Drink beer, attempt to mate,
with the fresh flower.
We can not be friends ?
Did I deny you her chance ?
With this,
we understand.
Only later can apologies come
When the heat is gone,
No flower to inhale...
But now, the furnace of love possessiveness burns
beyond our control
Around this,
does all revolve
Pretty flower,
won't you be mine ?
Thursday, April 10, 2008
July 3rd, 1982
Smiling eyes
On a fading face
Begging time,
That's not to waste
[Distant vision
Long ago
Something about
A girl I know]
The cruel sun woke me
From a dream
The day was gone
And so was she
--------------------------
I watched him set a fire,
Upon it placed his love.
His object of desire, and
Burned the symbol dove
I watched accusing eyes
Reflected in the glass
A selfish deed is done
Another chance is past
--------------------------
Will it take the test of time
This love reborn today
In the end will you be mine
Or will it fade away
--------------------------
I watched him stand,
On the threshold of a dream
Saw them fall,
In the raging stream
We saw a light
Dimming fast
But saved the flame
And made it last
The mirror spoke,
Showed me a world
Gave me a beacon
To the future.
I read the words,
As bright as sun
Then left for good,
To be the One.
On a fading face
Begging time,
That's not to waste
[Distant vision
Long ago
Something about
A girl I know]
The cruel sun woke me
From a dream
The day was gone
And so was she
--------------------------
I watched him set a fire,
Upon it placed his love.
His object of desire, and
Burned the symbol dove
I watched accusing eyes
Reflected in the glass
A selfish deed is done
Another chance is past
--------------------------
Will it take the test of time
This love reborn today
In the end will you be mine
Or will it fade away
--------------------------
I watched him stand,
On the threshold of a dream
Saw them fall,
In the raging stream
We saw a light
Dimming fast
But saved the flame
And made it last
The mirror spoke,
Showed me a world
Gave me a beacon
To the future.
I read the words,
As bright as sun
Then left for good,
To be the One.
Friday, April 4, 2008
IMTIREDOFTHINKING [Aug 16, 1983]
Hi cocksuckers!! You remind me of the inside of my rectum after an enjoyable 15 minute session of acute diahrrea.
Ah yes, how good it feels to reminisce of days gone by, to bring back the wonderfulness and contentedness of the past. Up my ass.
I am severely disappointed in myself, having failed to succeed in the most important of life-matters: the inability to come and piss simultaneously. God only knows how often I've tried, the endless hours of futility and pain in this room, the shattering realization of the impossibility of the act.
I find it increasingly difficult to out-pervert myself. I have been forced to remove one of my testicles, and insert it most deviously into the family pickle jar, from whence it has disappeared into the beloved stomachs of my family members.
I can't help but noticing how my philosophical boundaries have developed and expanded, causing every word I speak or write to be immediately considered a treasured pearl of infinite wisdom. But such is intelligence and greatness, my friends, such is the nature of your most revered and admired and sought-after leader - your one and only Marc.
I have commissioned an expert team of architects and sculptors to erect a 120-foot statue of my likeness on the summit of Mt-Royal, at the same time deplacing and replacing that no-good ancient artifact of an excuse for a gaudy cross. The beautiful finished structure will be adorned with the internal light of rare gems and precious metals.
Hundreds of famous authors assault the doors of my abode daily, clamouring and begging to be chosen for the task of my autobiographist. I gaily cast them the fluttering remains of my used kleenex, and they hasten away, absorbed in the enormity of their new found treasure.
Samples of my stool have been auctioned off for thousands of dollars in charity auctions, and my urine is considered a life-giving elixir to many, who not only include it in their diet by drinking a few expensive millilitres daily, but also inject it intravenously, a high that is believed to be a hundred fold that given by high-concentration heroin.
Aaah. Need I continue ? Have you, dear reader, finally grasped the implied message recorded in such splendour here ? I hope not, that I may continue on. Oh. You've had quite enough I see. Very well, 'til tomorrow then. Cheerio.
Ah yes, how good it feels to reminisce of days gone by, to bring back the wonderfulness and contentedness of the past. Up my ass.
I am severely disappointed in myself, having failed to succeed in the most important of life-matters: the inability to come and piss simultaneously. God only knows how often I've tried, the endless hours of futility and pain in this room, the shattering realization of the impossibility of the act.
I find it increasingly difficult to out-pervert myself. I have been forced to remove one of my testicles, and insert it most deviously into the family pickle jar, from whence it has disappeared into the beloved stomachs of my family members.
I can't help but noticing how my philosophical boundaries have developed and expanded, causing every word I speak or write to be immediately considered a treasured pearl of infinite wisdom. But such is intelligence and greatness, my friends, such is the nature of your most revered and admired and sought-after leader - your one and only Marc.
I have commissioned an expert team of architects and sculptors to erect a 120-foot statue of my likeness on the summit of Mt-Royal, at the same time deplacing and replacing that no-good ancient artifact of an excuse for a gaudy cross. The beautiful finished structure will be adorned with the internal light of rare gems and precious metals.
Hundreds of famous authors assault the doors of my abode daily, clamouring and begging to be chosen for the task of my autobiographist. I gaily cast them the fluttering remains of my used kleenex, and they hasten away, absorbed in the enormity of their new found treasure.
Samples of my stool have been auctioned off for thousands of dollars in charity auctions, and my urine is considered a life-giving elixir to many, who not only include it in their diet by drinking a few expensive millilitres daily, but also inject it intravenously, a high that is believed to be a hundred fold that given by high-concentration heroin.
Aaah. Need I continue ? Have you, dear reader, finally grasped the implied message recorded in such splendour here ? I hope not, that I may continue on. Oh. You've had quite enough I see. Very well, 'til tomorrow then. Cheerio.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Fish story [Monday, Feb 26 1979]
What a day! what a day. Carnival is officially begun. Had the goldfish eating contest, and I WON! I couldn't believe it. Just before it started, I got in my get up: sleeveless undershirt, leather jacket, wristbands, dickie, and reflective sun-glasses What a riot! It looked fantastic. The whole school was in the bandring watching. There were about 10 people in the contest. It started off slowly. One guy started eating 8 at a time, and I thought for sure he would win. But we started running out of fish, and when the final 6 contestants had all eaten 30, they decided to have a bid to see how many one could eat at the same time. The person who bid and ate his number would win. It started low, and I just kept upping every number, until finally I said 16, and that was it. I knew I couldn't do it. If I missed, I would be out. I could've copped out, but I didn't. I just shoved all 16 in my mouth and started swallowing, crunching and chewing the little buggers as they squirmed in my mouth. I used all my will power, and refused to be grossed out - and I did it ! Wow, I won 2 1/2 cases. Jean-Guy (my pseudo name) the hero and champion. I got a Molson trophy. And I didn't even feel sick after 46 goldfish - 16 in one shot. I was great, but I hate boasting.
After, I went with Alec and Rich to the metro, and got a case of 12 of beer. We drank it in the B.R. It felt mighty good, 4 wasn't enough. We got some from the aquarium club, I had 6 in all. We were storming all around the school : kicking garbage cans, pissing all over the bathrooms, greasing my hair, freaking and rowdying in the library, throwing beer cans, and smashing beer bottles. What a total riot.
After, I went with Alec and Rich to the metro, and got a case of 12 of beer. We drank it in the B.R. It felt mighty good, 4 wasn't enough. We got some from the aquarium club, I had 6 in all. We were storming all around the school : kicking garbage cans, pissing all over the bathrooms, greasing my hair, freaking and rowdying in the library, throwing beer cans, and smashing beer bottles. What a total riot.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Ice is cracking [Aug 1, 1983]
Butterflies,
up in the sky
Butterflies, to me they fly.
Oh no, don't ever let them land
I'm scared of them,
you understand.
Afraid of their bite,
of their claw
the veiled danger
and what's stranger,
than an enemy that fights with love
stronger than the weapon I bear.
my naked blade will see no blood
and I am blinded by a flood
of tears.
[they taught you,
hoped you understood,
How to tell the bad from good.
How to fight and how to die
When to give up, when to try
But now you kiss it all good-bye:
it's time to throw away the books
open your eyes and have a look]
I see them coming,
watch them dive
They want to take me
dead or alive.
Close my eyes
there's nothing there
They've disappeared
into thin air.
Somewhere lies a lonely key
that opens all inside of me.
For now I rest,
await
the test.
And the one I hope to see...
up in the sky
Butterflies, to me they fly.
Oh no, don't ever let them land
I'm scared of them,
you understand.
Afraid of their bite,
of their claw
the veiled danger
and what's stranger,
than an enemy that fights with love
stronger than the weapon I bear.
my naked blade will see no blood
and I am blinded by a flood
of tears.
[they taught you,
hoped you understood,
How to tell the bad from good.
How to fight and how to die
When to give up, when to try
But now you kiss it all good-bye:
it's time to throw away the books
open your eyes and have a look]
I see them coming,
watch them dive
They want to take me
dead or alive.
Close my eyes
there's nothing there
They've disappeared
into thin air.
Somewhere lies a lonely key
that opens all inside of me.
For now I rest,
await
the test.
And the one I hope to see...
Instilled Creation [Jun 26, 1983]
Instilled creation : the sexual drive causes copulation with the female of the species to occur, thereby continuing the species (assuring offspring). The feeling of sexual rejection immediately following intercourse causes the male to lose interest in female (as a sexual object), and consequently the male of the species (stronger and more cunning) can pursue his natural role as provider (such as hunting game for consumption). The constant sexual readiness of the female assures that the sexually unstable male can find some occasion for mutual sexual encountering.
Fortunately, fucking feels fine (otherwise you and I wouldn't be here, buddy).
Fortunately, fucking feels fine (otherwise you and I wouldn't be here, buddy).
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Sunday the 12th of November, 1989
Woke up at 8:00 in the morning at Sherry's, contact lenses glued to my eyelids, parched throat, one running shoe still on, still fully clothed. Took out the sticky lenses, downed a Tylenol Extra Strength with some water. Back to the couch for reawakening around 11:00. A pretty wasted night, not as in 'waste of time'.
Started at a party connection thru Morris, with Andreas too. Didn't know anybody. There are a couple of girls. One, named I believe Laurie, was conservative and almost plain at first glance, but became more and more interesting, as I talked to her for around 15 minutes. Didn't seem like she had a boyfriend... But I lost her later to people she knew and I wasn't into. She left... We left for downtown (me, Morris, Andreas, Sharon and other guy -> in his car, me : "Could you turn the music up please" from the back.
At Deja Vu, everyone there : Tammy, Sherry, Gerald, Rob, Chris, Susan, Heather, Julia, Jane, Grant, Debby ... did I leave anyone out ? Chuck. My night sort of dies (with respect to chix) as Heather relentlessly pursues me rather aggressively.
See Julie (Murphy) at end of night. She kissed me goodbye... She still looks amazingly cute...
Something's gonna happen soon, wrt chix. 2 weeks ago, I after Francine... almost something. 5 days later, Jadee incident... her obsessed. Another week and a half later, Heather obsessed. And last night shoulda jumped on Laurie, and could also have asked Julie for a date....
Ah well, more to come... and did come 4 times today between 2:30 and 6:00, as went kind of sex imagination crazed. Smoking doesn't help neither...
Next week, Corny's psarty and Pixies
Wish I could think better today...
Started at a party connection thru Morris, with Andreas too. Didn't know anybody. There are a couple of girls. One, named I believe Laurie, was conservative and almost plain at first glance, but became more and more interesting, as I talked to her for around 15 minutes. Didn't seem like she had a boyfriend... But I lost her later to people she knew and I wasn't into. She left... We left for downtown (me, Morris, Andreas, Sharon and other guy -> in his car, me : "Could you turn the music up please" from the back.
At Deja Vu, everyone there : Tammy, Sherry, Gerald, Rob, Chris, Susan, Heather, Julia, Jane, Grant, Debby ... did I leave anyone out ? Chuck. My night sort of dies (with respect to chix) as Heather relentlessly pursues me rather aggressively.
See Julie (Murphy) at end of night. She kissed me goodbye... She still looks amazingly cute...
Something's gonna happen soon, wrt chix. 2 weeks ago, I after Francine... almost something. 5 days later, Jadee incident... her obsessed. Another week and a half later, Heather obsessed. And last night shoulda jumped on Laurie, and could also have asked Julie for a date....
Ah well, more to come... and did come 4 times today between 2:30 and 6:00, as went kind of sex imagination crazed. Smoking doesn't help neither...
Next week, Corny's psarty and Pixies
Wish I could think better today...
World of 3 [Dec 7, 1981]
What is that material thing,
So important to you.
Are illusions an end ?
The dangers of the world of 3.
I'm a hopeless victim of flesh
Slave to a measurement
And adornment
I see through it, yet I need it
So important to you.
Are illusions an end ?
The dangers of the world of 3.
I'm a hopeless victim of flesh
Slave to a measurement
And adornment
I see through it, yet I need it
Unsettled [Sun, Oct 25 1981]
Nite Friday, Jim picks me up. I have had 1 1/2 drinks and gulped 3 val.'s. We go to Gertrude's, upstairs. We sit with large band of big guys, who are drinking their muscles off. Of course I couldn't help joining in, and consumed an excessive amount of beer. Wandered around, down & up, but not too much happening. Met some girls, but they left at 12:00, so we (Jim, Gerry, J.F., etc) went to a Frat party a few streets away, which was OK, if you discount the fact that there were 3 guys to every girl in the place. But we danced like [fill in]; only to cause my stomach varying degrees of discomfort. So I casually and inconspicuously made my way outside to the rear of the building, whereupon I released the unsettled contents of my stomach without too much difficulty. After this, it was all downhill, and we left.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Love Injection [Feb 4, 1986]
Your brooding darkness
follows me
Casually lifted eyes
freeze me in my tracks
Your name is Temptation
Bait for the hungry fish.
A delectable dish,
I don't want to spoil,
by tasting,
and finding
I can't eat with my eyes closed.
Been tempted before,
I know what's in store
Obession makes a monster
of Want from afar
-------------------
One dark, one light
One subtle, one "fight!"
I don't understand
the final result
She carries me to tragedy
Unnoticing,
Unfeeling,
My deadly trajectory
In a wall of strengths,
She my crumbling weakness
penetrates.
Gone she leaves
in a daze deceived
Head swimming
with deep and troubled waters
Is my one protection,
my new obsession ?
So far away today
except in my thoughts
where she's taken control.
Tomorrow,
who's to feel my affection ?
take my love injection ?
Somwhere someone flips a coin ?
Or am I master of my fate ?
Whatever I want for me to create
Just takes a word to initiate
the future.
follows me
Casually lifted eyes
freeze me in my tracks
Your name is Temptation
Bait for the hungry fish.
A delectable dish,
I don't want to spoil,
by tasting,
and finding
I can't eat with my eyes closed.
Been tempted before,
I know what's in store
Obession makes a monster
of Want from afar
-------------------
One dark, one light
One subtle, one "fight!"
I don't understand
the final result
She carries me to tragedy
Unnoticing,
Unfeeling,
My deadly trajectory
In a wall of strengths,
She my crumbling weakness
penetrates.
Gone she leaves
in a daze deceived
Head swimming
with deep and troubled waters
Is my one protection,
my new obsession ?
So far away today
except in my thoughts
where she's taken control.
Tomorrow,
who's to feel my affection ?
take my love injection ?
Somwhere someone flips a coin ?
Or am I master of my fate ?
Whatever I want for me to create
Just takes a word to initiate
the future.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Answers [Nov, 1977]
Oh, Guitar
How happy you are!
You sing me happy
Under the stars.
Oh Voice
How sweet you sing!
Liquid flow
Peace you bring.
Sitting calmly under the gaze of the heavenly superiors
Reflecting unencountered solitude
Bathed in fluorescent Awareness
What you must think!
Oh, Love
To me how dear
Your sweet soul tender
But shed a tear.
And don't follow the followers, they don't know
Embrace the future. Use your mind,
My Friend, you'll someday learn
What they strived for.
Oh, Life
So bright and fragile
Endlessly on
Your my mind's child.
How happy you are!
You sing me happy
Under the stars.
Oh Voice
How sweet you sing!
Liquid flow
Peace you bring.
Sitting calmly under the gaze of the heavenly superiors
Reflecting unencountered solitude
Bathed in fluorescent Awareness
What you must think!
Oh, Love
To me how dear
Your sweet soul tender
But shed a tear.
And don't follow the followers, they don't know
Embrace the future. Use your mind,
My Friend, you'll someday learn
What they strived for.
Oh, Life
So bright and fragile
Endlessly on
Your my mind's child.
Sat Dec 7, 1985
Mini-odyssey. Time-wise at least. But my life feels changed.
Wednesday:
Do mushrooms here. Meet Jim at Peel Pub, dressed in black leather and slutty attire. Drink 2 pitchers. Talk with guy (Dude) who enlightens me with his relaxed rambling life attitude. Go to Sphinx. Dance, dance, as the mushrooms are peaking. Sex-dance unspoken words with one girl as her 'boyfriend' sits alone. Meet Tina from England [ed: a dead ringer for Emma Samms - or so I thought at the time]. Talk, talk, talk to her. She comes home with me. Don't worry it's only to sleep. We m.o. a bit but on shrooms who cares. So we actually sleep [I mean often you're waking up all the time when sleeping with someone]. She leaves at noon, no promises "Have a good life".
Thursday:
The shrooms have made me think so much, it's like my attitude has changed and I'm a new person [And I am]. I've become more aggressive, demanding, less prone to depression, happier. Wilder...
Go out at nite (again with Jim) to Management bash at Ballroom. Talk talk to people. It's my new way, I can't control it. I just have the incredible urge to interface with everybody, male or female, young or old... Don't get too hammered, cum back at 2:00, play guitar with Noj until 3:00...
Friday:
People come over : JoAnn, Alec, Cindy, Sherry. Watch slides. Watch beer slide down my throat. See me determined to get wasted... Have to party... Go to frat party with Alec, Sherry, JoAnn. I go wild. From the minute I walk thru the door, I start talking to everybody in sight. I visit every group of girls in the place and start talking to them. That's all I do all night, no dancing or sitting around...just talk talk to girls.
Suddenly, I feel gross and go home. Cindy is in my bed, it should feel nice, but I get the spins, real bad, and I'm off, to the toilet, and puking (mostly bile) for at least an hour. To Jonathan "Go back to your room!" To JoAnn and co : "Everybody shut up!" To Paul : "Put that cigarette out!" To Jo : "Cindy's not fucking going anywhere!" (when Jo wants to wake her up and take a taxi home).
So I was kind of an asshole at the end of the night ! Don't remember much. I awake shivering violently, Cindy warms me I think... But I'm fuckin ruined in the morning, and only now (~7:30) barely coming round...
I feel wild again now.
Easy come
easy go
I lost it in
the falling snow
Wednesday:
Do mushrooms here. Meet Jim at Peel Pub, dressed in black leather and slutty attire. Drink 2 pitchers. Talk with guy (Dude) who enlightens me with his relaxed rambling life attitude. Go to Sphinx. Dance, dance, as the mushrooms are peaking. Sex-dance unspoken words with one girl as her 'boyfriend' sits alone. Meet Tina from England [ed: a dead ringer for Emma Samms - or so I thought at the time]. Talk, talk, talk to her. She comes home with me. Don't worry it's only to sleep. We m.o. a bit but on shrooms who cares. So we actually sleep [I mean often you're waking up all the time when sleeping with someone]. She leaves at noon, no promises "Have a good life".
Thursday:
The shrooms have made me think so much, it's like my attitude has changed and I'm a new person [And I am]. I've become more aggressive, demanding, less prone to depression, happier. Wilder...
Go out at nite (again with Jim) to Management bash at Ballroom. Talk talk to people. It's my new way, I can't control it. I just have the incredible urge to interface with everybody, male or female, young or old... Don't get too hammered, cum back at 2:00, play guitar with Noj until 3:00...
Friday:
People come over : JoAnn, Alec, Cindy, Sherry. Watch slides. Watch beer slide down my throat. See me determined to get wasted... Have to party... Go to frat party with Alec, Sherry, JoAnn. I go wild. From the minute I walk thru the door, I start talking to everybody in sight. I visit every group of girls in the place and start talking to them. That's all I do all night, no dancing or sitting around...just talk talk to girls.
Suddenly, I feel gross and go home. Cindy is in my bed, it should feel nice, but I get the spins, real bad, and I'm off, to the toilet, and puking (mostly bile) for at least an hour. To Jonathan "Go back to your room!" To JoAnn and co : "Everybody shut up!" To Paul : "Put that cigarette out!" To Jo : "Cindy's not fucking going anywhere!" (when Jo wants to wake her up and take a taxi home).
So I was kind of an asshole at the end of the night ! Don't remember much. I awake shivering violently, Cindy warms me I think... But I'm fuckin ruined in the morning, and only now (~7:30) barely coming round...
I feel wild again now.
Easy come
easy go
I lost it in
the falling snow
Sat. Oct 15, 1977
I did my paper-route this morning, it's completely fucked up. I didn't have the right number of papers, and all the numbers on my cards don't correspond to those of the route list! After lunch today, my mother and I went out to get suck pants for school. I got $62 work-boots for $43. I also got new shoes for school.
At 3:30, I went to Sweeney's, arriving at 4:30. Pete had his car, and we cruised around (it's a Lincoln Continental, very nice). We toked. Then we went in his brother Chris's car (Camaro Z28). Chris told us that THC is very good. We wanted to take it, but he didn't have enough for all of us. At 7:00, we took a bus to go to the Loyola dance. Arrived at 7:45. Zig and Caz came at 8:15. We toked and drank in Zig's car. Pete couldn't get in because Fr. Altilia wouldn't let him. We decided that Pete and Sweeney would stay in the car, and Zig, Caz, and I would go in the dance. But Zig was a real bastard, and didn't let Pete and Sweeney stay in the car. Finally, he went and unlocked the car door for them. We went in the dance. There were lots of nice chicks, but we didn't dance. Wandered around. Finally, when we had to go, we said we'd dance a 'slow' and then leave. I danced with this nice chick (I think she's nice; I was stoned and it was dark) named Diane. We talked nearly all the time we danced. She goes to Queen of Angels.
We left at 10:30, and found out that the Loyola campus security guard caught Dave and Pete toking. Fr. Altilia was there too. I think Dave is in trouble. Zig was very, very, pissed off at them. We went downtown, and Zig let us off near the Limelight, he and Caz said they'd go to the Lime too as soon as they found a place to park. We (Pete, Sweeeney and I) went to the Super-Lime (no problems). It's fantastic there. There's an incredible light-show, and the speakers are 8 feet wide and 12 feet tall. We were there for half an hour, then went and ate Chinese food, toked, and went back for another hour. At 1:00, we took a taxi (cost more than $6) and I slept over at Dave's.
At 3:30, I went to Sweeney's, arriving at 4:30. Pete had his car, and we cruised around (it's a Lincoln Continental, very nice). We toked. Then we went in his brother Chris's car (Camaro Z28). Chris told us that THC is very good. We wanted to take it, but he didn't have enough for all of us. At 7:00, we took a bus to go to the Loyola dance. Arrived at 7:45. Zig and Caz came at 8:15. We toked and drank in Zig's car. Pete couldn't get in because Fr. Altilia wouldn't let him. We decided that Pete and Sweeney would stay in the car, and Zig, Caz, and I would go in the dance. But Zig was a real bastard, and didn't let Pete and Sweeney stay in the car. Finally, he went and unlocked the car door for them. We went in the dance. There were lots of nice chicks, but we didn't dance. Wandered around. Finally, when we had to go, we said we'd dance a 'slow' and then leave. I danced with this nice chick (I think she's nice; I was stoned and it was dark) named Diane. We talked nearly all the time we danced. She goes to Queen of Angels.
We left at 10:30, and found out that the Loyola campus security guard caught Dave and Pete toking. Fr. Altilia was there too. I think Dave is in trouble. Zig was very, very, pissed off at them. We went downtown, and Zig let us off near the Limelight, he and Caz said they'd go to the Lime too as soon as they found a place to park. We (Pete, Sweeeney and I) went to the Super-Lime (no problems). It's fantastic there. There's an incredible light-show, and the speakers are 8 feet wide and 12 feet tall. We were there for half an hour, then went and ate Chinese food, toked, and went back for another hour. At 1:00, we took a taxi (cost more than $6) and I slept over at Dave's.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
el 15 de mayo [1977]
El noche de viernes, con Alec, no hago nada. Pero el 12:30 yo sali con el, bebimos y fuimos llamar And. Todos nos tres fuimos a Queens, fuimos en coches, backyards, detruimos mucho y, cuando yo fui en un bella coche, vi un microphone, y pienso "C.B" ! Pero, no esta. Entonces, vi de los llaves en el seat. And y Alec pusheron el coche en la street, y yo commencio el coche ! You fui mas o menos 200 metros con el coche, y vio que And y Alec no me suiveron. Stoppe y fue con And en el coche para 10 minutos. Entonces stope el coche y encontramos Alec. No fuimos en el coche autra vez porque habia muchos coches y copas. Despues (4:00) todos cuatro fuimos a nos casas (Alec poco bombardo). El proximo dia, yo try los zapatos que And prinio y me fitimos. Despues, yo y Alec fuimos a mi casa (con mi otros zapatos,(And busce sus herbes) y bebimos de mi mik. Yo mis plein mi pipa y cuando And viene, todos fuimos atras de su casa, tenimo gran argumento de donde tockamos, y finalmente decide que tokamos entre Pediclers y Pollmullers. Tokamos un bol de mi (Alec nos vio) y un de el. [Yo, un demihora antes de eso, golpo vitamines -> 1) 1 de rainbow 2) 2 de Dem 3) 2 de pheno barb, y comienza hacer affecte con el kill]. Despues de tokar fui muy, muy, stonito y violente; attacko And muchos veces y tambien Alec; finalmente, cuando Alec fue chez lui, yo attacko And por el last time. Commienzaro a dar muy fuerto punches, y finalmente el fue chez lui (presque crying y muy surprised) yo, (stoned) le suvi a su peurta, pero el fue en su casa sin decir nada. You fue a mi casa, y no puedo recordar si madre he dicho algo a yo : no puedo recordar much de ese noche, porque fue el tiempo mas mas mas mas mas stondo, bombardo, enflammido en vi vida! El domingo, no hago nada (pintar la cloiture y garden [tengo 12 ???? dehores y 11 en casa]) pero telefono a Alec para hacer algo, y el dicio que And fue muy, muy pissed off con yo.
That Woman [this morning]
[4-bar blues]
My woman,
she been sleeping around
that woman,
she been sleeping around
Met her in a bar,
she was taking off her clothes
Stopped by later,
and offered her a rose.
Next thing you know,
she was staring at my ceiling,
And I didn't know
what the hell I was feeling
That woman,
she'd been sleeping around
That woman,
she'd been going to town
[more verses]
My woman,
she's been sleeping around
That woman,
she make me look like a clown
...
She say I treated her wrong
And we ain't getting along
Ain't got no 10" dong
No, all I got is this song
My woman,
she been sleeping around
that woman,
she been sleeping around
Met her in a bar,
she was taking off her clothes
Stopped by later,
and offered her a rose.
Next thing you know,
she was staring at my ceiling,
And I didn't know
what the hell I was feeling
That woman,
she'd been sleeping around
That woman,
she'd been going to town
[more verses]
My woman,
she's been sleeping around
That woman,
she make me look like a clown
...
She say I treated her wrong
And we ain't getting along
Ain't got no 10" dong
No, all I got is this song
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Monday Nov. 19, 1984
Talk about a humdrum date.
High! Buy!
As I reach for the half-empty flask amid the scattered papers of my desk, I think deeply of the past few days - hazy events that remain out of focus and hold no promise for future clarity. A path trodden so often before, yet still I am lost among its deceptive twists and turns. Sometimes it is better to be irrational
...
High! Buy!
As I reach for the half-empty flask amid the scattered papers of my desk, I think deeply of the past few days - hazy events that remain out of focus and hold no promise for future clarity. A path trodden so often before, yet still I am lost among its deceptive twists and turns. Sometimes it is better to be irrational
...
[Tues Dec 4, 1990]
Minorly freaking out now, as finger (index) is numb on one side of the tip, and have no idea why. But it was day after having party here, after large intake of alcohol, and medium of coke. Stayed up 'til 10:00 am.
And tonite, went foraging around for bits of coke that people left from the party, and found enuf to get minorly high on,. But maybe not good, since don't feel mentally too hot right now. Work going shit (actually only last 2 days shit - before that, mucho success). Still, ya always feel what you just left behind. Memory pretty volatile, fades so fast into the past forever.
It was a great party. Great decorations, excellent people. Good drugs. Chix. 2 floors ~8 rooms. My cool room, freak out on the bed with the blacklite illuminating the fluorescent-streaked sky. Paul's room, table and comraderie w/ tequila shots.
...
And tonite, went foraging around for bits of coke that people left from the party, and found enuf to get minorly high on,. But maybe not good, since don't feel mentally too hot right now. Work going shit (actually only last 2 days shit - before that, mucho success). Still, ya always feel what you just left behind. Memory pretty volatile, fades so fast into the past forever.
It was a great party. Great decorations, excellent people. Good drugs. Chix. 2 floors ~8 rooms. My cool room, freak out on the bed with the blacklite illuminating the fluorescent-streaked sky. Paul's room, table and comraderie w/ tequila shots.
...
Wednesday, she said [Apr 24, 1986]
There's only one word for it, one face, one feeling, one fantasy. Something like Love. But dangerous love, heart-breaking love, forbidden love. Meanwhile I see nothing else.
Wednesday, she said, but it was not to be (almost it was). Now it's Friday, and anything can happen. She called me Monday, after 8 days of silence (I was going nuts, got scared of my reaction even much too strong for such a minor phenomenon). Come over, with other, 10 min and gone. Then later she phones and we arrange Wednesday. But Wednesday I sense she scared to come over, almost doesn't. Sam here, and she comes only I think because she won't have to face me alone. We all 3 drink... 12:00 Sam leaves. Alone. It takes me about 3 minutes to move, onto her that is. It feels as usual good. But she has to go soon... should we ?, no.. too fast. Let's do it when we have more time. So Fri it is to be (hope I). Man, she looked good tonite. Legs, high heels, how'd she guess. And that shape, the waist to thighs curves, yum-yum. Incredible... Must have, must experience, must love, must come, must make love soon.
Wednesday, she said, but it was not to be (almost it was). Now it's Friday, and anything can happen. She called me Monday, after 8 days of silence (I was going nuts, got scared of my reaction even much too strong for such a minor phenomenon). Come over, with other, 10 min and gone. Then later she phones and we arrange Wednesday. But Wednesday I sense she scared to come over, almost doesn't. Sam here, and she comes only I think because she won't have to face me alone. We all 3 drink... 12:00 Sam leaves. Alone. It takes me about 3 minutes to move, onto her that is. It feels as usual good. But she has to go soon... should we ?, no.. too fast. Let's do it when we have more time. So Fri it is to be (hope I). Man, she looked good tonite. Legs, high heels, how'd she guess. And that shape, the waist to thighs curves, yum-yum. Incredible... Must have, must experience, must love, must come, must make love soon.
The Alternative Dictionary [1978]
masturbate: a substance used to attract persons superior to oneself
lukewarm : how Luke feels when he wakes up in the middle of the night
arrogant: egotistical ant
maximum: a maternal figure rather large in stature
paradox: 2 docks side by side
password: a clever and devious line used on a member of the opposite sex
prosecute: legal action taken against beautiful girls
prudish: a meal cooked by an excessively modest girl
rampant: a colorful term used to describe sexual intercourse
stubborn: a birth defect often leading to inferiority complexes
sextant: instrument used to guide seamen
substitute: a flute-like sound emitted from air trapped underneath breasts
absorbed: what your bed says after a successful weekend
female: light alcohol drink for women
checkmate: what you do before you go to bed with someone
deduction: an auction where owners get rid of their pet ducks
addicted: a teddy bear manufactured to resemble a penis
homogeneous: an intelligent fag
peerless: what cops say to a peeping Tom
public: oral sex with a large group of people
purpose: vaginal infection common to cats
quantity: huge breasts
receding: trying to get your wife pregnant again
recipe: a dish made using urine as an ingredient
redress: what happens to a girl when she forgets to wear a tampon
studied: condition caused by over indulgence in sex by males
lukewarm : how Luke feels when he wakes up in the middle of the night
arrogant: egotistical ant
maximum: a maternal figure rather large in stature
paradox: 2 docks side by side
password: a clever and devious line used on a member of the opposite sex
prosecute: legal action taken against beautiful girls
prudish: a meal cooked by an excessively modest girl
rampant: a colorful term used to describe sexual intercourse
stubborn: a birth defect often leading to inferiority complexes
sextant: instrument used to guide seamen
substitute: a flute-like sound emitted from air trapped underneath breasts
absorbed: what your bed says after a successful weekend
female: light alcohol drink for women
checkmate: what you do before you go to bed with someone
deduction: an auction where owners get rid of their pet ducks
addicted: a teddy bear manufactured to resemble a penis
homogeneous: an intelligent fag
peerless: what cops say to a peeping Tom
public: oral sex with a large group of people
purpose: vaginal infection common to cats
quantity: huge breasts
receding: trying to get your wife pregnant again
recipe: a dish made using urine as an ingredient
redress: what happens to a girl when she forgets to wear a tampon
studied: condition caused by over indulgence in sex by males
I must be getting home, Part II [Dec 4, 1981]
She couldn't control her laughter as he took his underwear off, and the fake large penis fell to the floor. Underneath was a small penis, only maybe an inch and a half long. "Ah, but watch this", he said. She watched as the small penis became bigger, and bigger, til it was at least 12 inches long and 3 inches wide. "Oh Jack", she murmured, "you really are a man after all". He giggled happily as her eyes went wide as the penis grew still larger. "Oh no, you mustn't, that might not be good for you" she said. And it grew and grew, and then : !!KABAM!! it burst. She shrieked and fell to the floor. He said "I'm really not a man after all, but a woman." She looked up now, and saw, to her horror that he now had a cunt, and it was dripping with come juice. And now she noticed the breasts, small but definitely feminine, as he(she) crept towards her. And then, all of a sudden, a spaceship hovered beyond the window, sent in a mechanical arm and started wrecking the apartment. It went up her cunt, and thru her mouth, and she died and made a mess on the carpet. And he cried, and flew back to his cave, where he hung upside down by his toes, ate grapes, and sulked all day.
Liquid Death [Feb 18, 1983]
Only death,
gives me hope
Without it,
I can't cope.
Prepare me once again,
for the rope...
Distant beacon,
Liquid fire
fast approaching
my desire.
Thirsting lips,
await your ice
Numbing powder,
feels so nice...
I must know it,
one more time
Maybe soon,
it will be mine.
Liquid death
that feeds my flame,
I have loved you,
yet again...
---------------------------
Just another night
of pointless search
for something I
don't understand
Another waste
Another taste
of prison
in this far-off land,
where all my gods
have left my side
They don't believe
in suicide.
and I am just another book,
a cage where people stop and look.
gives me hope
Without it,
I can't cope.
Prepare me once again,
for the rope...
Distant beacon,
Liquid fire
fast approaching
my desire.
Thirsting lips,
await your ice
Numbing powder,
feels so nice...
I must know it,
one more time
Maybe soon,
it will be mine.
Liquid death
that feeds my flame,
I have loved you,
yet again...
---------------------------
Just another night
of pointless search
for something I
don't understand
Another waste
Another taste
of prison
in this far-off land,
where all my gods
have left my side
They don't believe
in suicide.
and I am just another book,
a cage where people stop and look.
Mushroom think [Feb 28, 1984]
Mushroom think,
in the blink
of an eye,
A thousand messages
passing by.
This is the way,
This be the truth
revealed discretely
by the ruse,
of mindly poison
creeping sin
to release from prison,
thoughts within,
that stay with us
but for the night,
and gone before
the morning light
in the blink
of an eye,
A thousand messages
passing by.
This is the way,
This be the truth
revealed discretely
by the ruse,
of mindly poison
creeping sin
to release from prison,
thoughts within,
that stay with us
but for the night,
and gone before
the morning light
Pain of Guilt [Aug 28, 1983]
Pain of guilt
of promise built
on trust
and lust
for a reason we
both know exists
and persists
to torment me
in times of want,
the drive that haunts:
the love of need
the monster seed
that born with hex
the curse of sex
Relief
is my belief
a release,
however brief:
the love that bleeds,
the monster freed
my in-born hex
my need of sex
Masculinity,
the esteemed trinity
of you and me,
and us.
The fields of rust
On wasted lust.
I drink the poisoned potion
My downfall the devotion:
to wants of sex,
the lives it wrecks.
the monstrous need
that I must feed.
Post-coital depression,
A timely recession
A welcome reception
to another session
of keeping man alive
the need on which we thrive,
the guilty stain
the bearer of pain
that fit of passion
that changing fashion
the stuff of tears
that pool of fears...
I wish I could erase
the sin of my race.
But I must heed
the loving need
It's in our fate
to procreate
of promise built
on trust
and lust
for a reason we
both know exists
and persists
to torment me
in times of want,
the drive that haunts:
the love of need
the monster seed
that born with hex
the curse of sex
Relief
is my belief
a release,
however brief:
the love that bleeds,
the monster freed
my in-born hex
my need of sex
Masculinity,
the esteemed trinity
of you and me,
and us.
The fields of rust
On wasted lust.
I drink the poisoned potion
My downfall the devotion:
to wants of sex,
the lives it wrecks.
the monstrous need
that I must feed.
Post-coital depression,
A timely recession
A welcome reception
to another session
of keeping man alive
the need on which we thrive,
the guilty stain
the bearer of pain
that fit of passion
that changing fashion
the stuff of tears
that pool of fears...
I wish I could erase
the sin of my race.
But I must heed
the loving need
It's in our fate
to procreate
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